Trust in relationships involves two people: a trustor (one who is giving trust) and a trustee (the one being trusted). Many studies indicate that we consider ourselves to be more trustworthy than the people who we ask to trust us. In other words, we think we are reliable while other don’t.
Reliability is based on consistent behavior of doing what we say we’re going to do. Being reliable is a cornerstone of trust. I’m sure we can all think of a person who has betrayed our trust by not doing what they say they’ll do. We’ve all felt let down and disappointed when someone cancels a lunch date at the last minute. Worse yet, when you’ve planned to meet a friend for coffee and they never show up.
Our behaviors as trustees move rapidly into compliance and distrust when we repeatedly encounter people we consider unreliable. It’s not being late once or canceling one appointment at the last minute. Reliability – or lack of – is a set of consistent patterns. You don’t trust your friend as a confidante if they don’t show up reliably to meet your for lunch at the agreed-upon time and place.
How do you build trust with reliability? Ensure your commitments are manageable. Don’t say “Yes” if you mean “No”. Remember, it’s okay to say, “Let me check”. Agreeing to do a task only if you have the mental or emotional capacity to complete it will generate trust over time.
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